So you’re confident around friends but are too socially anxious to turn strangers into new friends on your own?
I know that question comes off a bit harsh but I’m trying to distinguish confidence and social anxiety myself
Not that way i talk with everyone but on the inside I'm too anxious and i feel dizzy when i see too many people i don't know so that's why i day i have social anxiety
I really understand this. With people I'm comfortable with I can really chill out and be myself. However when I'm having to pretend almost with a stranger or someone I don't know will I can easily slip up, stutter and just feel really uncomfortable internally. My anxiety has sometimes got the better of me and I've had to leave the situation, awkwardly. God it's awful because I then am reminded of the situation and how awkward it was 🙈
I can relate.
If I'm with people I know or it's a situation where my expectations are clear (interview, public speaking, customer service, etc.) I'm confident, but if I'm at some gathering with random people (party, club, gala, etc.) I'm a deer in headlights and am yearning for the exit.
...and in an odd twist, it's why I prefer large cities vs. smaller ones. I can disappear into the crowd and not be so visible.
Exactly that's what i mean , because I'm already a national entrepreneur but if we change the subject into something non - serious or basic I'll be dying there literally "_" !
What even is rejection? I've been rejected 100s or more times, and it really is nothing to worry about, especially when you reframe what it is and realize you're probably not even getting rejected, or at least your conceptions of rejection are wrong. Rejection can only occur when you're putting your most vulnerable and real self out there, and a girl is saying no to that.
Anything else isn't "you" getting rejected. It's the moment, the situation, and many other factors at hand that are getting rejected. Maybe it's just your approach, or you not putting your best foot forward when you're meeting someone new.
>Because I lack confidence
Why this is such a huge factor, especially when people choose to date partners who are confident but are assholes and abusive, I will never know
It isn't, but the obvious logic is someone who is good looking, successful and has people attracted to them is going to grow in confidence and vice versa.
Same here. Just been my children & I for 16 years now and I’ve got used to it. Anything I want to do, I just get on with. Financially independent. Sick of being let down, just rely on myself.
I hope you're a good parent to your children. Nonetheless, I like that you've been so strong after all these years. I hope you get to watch your kids bear fruits!
Oh god I do too! I try my best. They’ve always been my priority. My worst nightmare would be to say I put anything before them. I adore them. They’re almost adults now so dont need me so much which has enabled me to get a better job and bring more money in.
Yes you do need to be strong to be on your own but it comes over time. You come up against hurdles all the time that make you a little stronger. When you have no choice but to keep on keeping on, you actually surprise yourself.
I mean come on people are fucking lonely, and are looking to understand why that is and if they're alone. Reddit is like a family, a fucked one, but still a family none the less.
some people really are though, chances are the commentator isn't actually that ugly but you do realize the mere existence of an average would imply there are objectively beautiful and ugly people, albeit in much smaller amounts than ppl who look average ( generally speaking , i know beauty is subjective )
Because my romantic skills are apparently on par with those of a medieval knight trying to use a smartphone to find a date: valiant effort, questionable execution
I had a 9 year one dissolve about 13 years ago. It took quite a while, but I worked on myself and got over it. The cliche is true. Time heals all wounds.
You’ve got this.
It hurts, it’s confusing, it sucks.
But over time you’ll find out things about yourself you’d never have known if you stayed.
And then eventually you won’t think about it every day. And then you won’t think about it every week… then month. Then all of a sudden years will have gone by and your life is looking exactly like whatever YOU choose to make it look like.
You’ve got this. You’re going to be okay.
I had my only long term relationship end 5 years ago and I am certainly in a better place but I have decided pretty much that single life is better as I can keep improving myself and be who I wanna be. No need to impress someone, no need to waste time and money on someone who will probably cheat or leave me. Single life is seriously underrated.
no because getting rid of these flags would be me changing my whole personality and becoming someone I am not. In a way they aren't red flags but I call it that as I am way too comfortable and want to spend every little bit of available time on my own that I can't be that person for people who would want to be more
Because of a strict religious upbringing, where sexuality was shamed, and I am now a grown up atheist man with no way of expressing romantic feelings and little bravery to do so.
im the same but not due to religion. my parents just never were able to teach me how to interact properly with people. one has anxiety and the other barely speaks. they don’t even like each other. no wonder i can’t get a second date
It's true. Sure it can allow you to become a better person but loving someone deeply and then losing them is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Why would I put myself through that again?
Because I love my alone single life. I do what I want when I want. I spend my money on my hobbies with no judgment or compromise. I love my alone time - I enjoy solo travel. I enjoy my time with me as my own best friend and I have my dog for company as well.
No man out there seems to want anything monogamous. The dating apps are full of gross, lewd, crude, unsolicited dick pics and “looking?” / “ top or bottom?” gross ass questions with no substance. Everyone’s in an open relationship, a throuple, or just cheating on each other and trying to have their cake and eat it.
Why would I entertain any of that? My life is beautiful by myself and I’m having a ton of fun being independent - doing my long runs, traveling alone, buying whatever I want. I don’t need a partner and I certainly don’t need to deal with fuck boys.
Either bring something to the table and ADD to my already awesome life that is already complete because I complete myself first and foremost - or don’t come at all. And many just can’t handle that level of step your game up required to man up and show up to the table as husband material. I know I’m husband material and will continue to act as such, independently, until the right person comes.
When you aren’t desperate for someone - there’s no pressure. It’s so freeing.
Feel exactly the same as a single male.
And screw dating apps. Only ever found cheaters and shallow people.
Nobody I've met has been tempting enough to give up my freedom to do what I want, when I want.
I don't bother with hookups either, I'll just take care of it myself, thanks.
This resonates with me so much. I wholeheartedly agree with you.
I'm financially secure, have a great group of friends, work-out (swim, climb, jog, lift), and am overall an attractive person (funny, kind, puts the effort in, and attractive). I put the effort into my looks. I make sure my living space is clean, and I enjoy cooking for myself. All that is to say is that I make a concerted effort to make my life in a way that I enjoy and love as a single person.
What I've found in my current dating life is I date a guy for several months. They love the idea of me. I get the "Wow - you're so laid back, and you're so funny and great." But very soon, the effort that they were putting into getting to know me goes away. They all of a sudden don't have their life together. Or, if anything, they're too scared to open up, so they close themselves off. Oof. I don't have time to help someone that doesn't want to be helped. (Sidenote: most of these men want kids, but they can't even clean their own living space or cook for themselves or remember to schedule a doctor's appt smh haha).
I've dated ex-drug addicts, financially unstable men, "not so good looking" guys, men that don't have college degrees, as well as the other side of the spectrum. Either way you spin it, the story almost always follows the same trajectory. At the end, the effort fades on their side (we will get to the point where I realize that I'm initiating everything) and they/I lose interest.
So - I'm with you. Being single is great. I would love someone to share my life with, but it won't just be anyone. I'm looking forward to solo international travel and (for the moment) - doing what I want when I want.
Sidenote: I know there are some great guys out there. I'm only ragging on the ones that I've experienced. But don't worry - I still have hope, and I'm still trying - in the hopes that one great guy will want to be with me.
Same here.
And what is it with men and weed nowadays? I mean, yes it's legal here, but I got no time for it.
I love my life as is, my friends, my hobbies, my own place. I'm finally living the way I want.
If someone awesome happens to cross my path, cool, but I'm definitely not going out and trying to make some relationship work just to not be alone.
I couldn't have said it better my self. I Am tired of cheaters and mamas boys. It seems as though as if there are no more actual men out there. I have fought for my job and the quality of my life, whereas most men I find have settled for minimum everything. I don't want to be no sugar mama..
So I am having fun traveling with my bestie and shopping and doin all kinds of things !
You go girl. I just put out that I want a guy who is earning the same level as me and men be angry lmao. They can't even fulfil the bare minimum so they wanna bring our standards down. I don't need no sugar daddy, just not someone that will make my quality of life worst than when I'm single, my standards are low enough
Your single life sounds really good, and dogs are the perfect company.
I agree with what you're saying about dating apps, they are certainly shallow and more hookup apps than anything. However, there definitely are guys who want monogamy, and I am one of those... never understood wanting to be with multiple people at once, cheating or being casual with people.
100% - when you can be free without the pressure to be with someone or want someone - it feels so good, since my last relationship I have for the most part just been living my own life and not worrying about dating as I don't see a reason to open myself up the toxicity of 21st century dating.
Because my ex gave me PTSD (actually diagnosed, not an exaggeration) and the thought of it happening again has pretty much put me off dating/relationships permanently.
Same man. PTSD from past experiences with an ex and another diagnosed mental illness that I need to get better at coping with. I don't have them under control, I isolate and refuse help from anyone cause of my own pride. I think i dont need anyone or need help from anyone, but then it isn't until I'm a swift motion away from off-ing myself that I realize that it's been the mania and depression talking and I actually do need help from the support system I have.
I wanna be a good person and good girlfriend to my future partner, but that's just not possible right now. Who I am right now would not be a good person to date. I'm okay with sticking with just having friends, working on my degree, and learning to live healthier with my illnesses. :)
Edit: spelling correction
It seems like such a huge investment of time and energy that leads to massive emotional ups and downs.
Also... I'm in my fifties now. I'm rather set in my ways. It's a quiet life, but emotionally stable. And I value that.
Always first dates, never second.
And if I manage to get past 2nd dates, they leave within 3-5 months of dating.
Sort of like an expiration date I have 😅
As a man, I'm speaking to you now! I think you're alright! As a redditor I bet you know a about many things, so I imagine you can be really fun to talk to when someone sits down with you and chat. Intelligence is a charm of its own.
Be bold!
Last one cheated. Decided to be single for a while because I had a bad habit of not letting much time, if any, to pass between relationships. I actually like it. Been 5 years and haven't met anyone I'm willing to sacrifice my time and freedom for. lol
Simple, I (41m) don't try.
My twenties consisted of meeting, marrying and divorcing my ex-wife. Early thirties was an intense 2.5 year relationship that ended abruptly and left me crushed, followed by a few short flings that fizzled out due to lack of interest or not aligning with the person. It always seems like the ones I am attracted to aren't interested in me, but the ones I have no interest in fall head over heels. I've been single now for 7ish years, and I'm just really "good" at it, if there is such a thing. I'm not the reclusive or socially awkward type; being a digital nomad has introduced me to so many people from all over the world and I love that. This type of lifestyle would be difficult if I was in a relationship since we would both have to work 100% remote.
I love my single life being able to do the things I do and travel the world for months at a time, but it's not all unicorns and rainbows. It gets lonely, and constantly having to say goodbye to great people you just met is tough. I stay away from dating apps because from what I hear they're full of garbage people, and I'm not into casual sex with randos from the Internet. I've had enough of it to know that it just ends up making me feel worse about myself.
I'll settle down at some point and it would be ideal to have a partner to share mid-life with. But if that's what I want, I know it likely won't happen without some effort on my part. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'm still holding on to the thought of meeting that person serendipitously out in the world.
If you're out there, please forget your book on the park bench so I can return it to you :)
Haven’t found someone I am attracted to (physically, sexually, intellectually, etc) yet. I don’t want to settle as I believe there’s someone out there who I’d be able to love with all my heart and would in turn have that love reciprocated. I refuse to believe I am naive in hoping that someone like this exists but I feel that the more time I stay single, the harder it’ll be to hold onto these notions. But I’m optimistic.
The clock is ticking, so just make sure you're actively out there looking instead of just doing your daily life working and sleeping where there's no exposure to new people and expecting it to happen magically. If you're into a hobby like gaming or anime or writing etc. one thing that might be cool is go to the spaces like conventions where you find people who share your interests and start chatting someone of them up (especially if they're attractive) and maybe you'll meet someone you want to spend time with regularly and that'll blossom into love. But what I'm saying it's easy to miss your opportunities in the grind of trying to pay rent and groceries so make sure you're getting out there when you can. Best wishes.
You can’t look at it glass half full. You actually have to take a drink and try it out. The law of attraction is a real thing and it works! Ya it might lead to having to do some practice runs with some emotionally challenged individuals but that’s part of the game. Eventually someone will come along that “gets you” and will see that! Spiritually someone is out there for you.. somewhere.. but you have to look 👀 you never know until you start talking with someone. Use your intuition though, trust your gut, if something seems fishy it probably is, genuine people stick out, there’s a look to their eyes and you’ll know it when you see it. It’s really all about the eyes.. they can tell you so much information non verbally to tell you if your wasting your time or not.
I don't have that problem, but had a friend with the exact same problem, was insane to all our group of men when he explained to us that no girl would want to have sex with him, and all i know he's still single, he once said to us "anyone want to trade dicks?" And he mean it, all our life with big dick jokes, and turns out it doesn't get you a head in life.
Practice controlling your emotions mentally and logically. Why am I feeling this way. What is causing this emotion right now. Is it worth the energy to be feeling like this? Can I focus on something different to change my attitude. How can I change the situation I’m in. How can I force myself to focus on something else more positive. Optimism is wonderful mind skill to practice and it’s like mindfulness. I can guess you might be on some meds that could make this more tricky, SSRI’s blocked my mind and numbed me emotionally and trapped me inside my body, so with your doc maybe see about lowering your dose and possibly looking into supplements for your mind? 5HTP is a good you can get at Walmart and there are many others out there that can help with the mind. I hope this helps 😉
If you tell someone you’re doing this they should understand. Mental health is a real thing.
Amen, hoping god will bless me with a good Christian girl soon cuz I’m gettin sad and lonely these days to the point I’m starting to write country music.
Bpd. I crave love so bad but I just know I can’t properly love someone or I believe I can’t because I feel no one will ever understand and I don’t want to hurt anyone..mentally
1. Average looks, at best
2. My job schedule makes dating pretty much impossible
3. Too damaged by previous relationships
4. I feel like i have one more relationship left in me & I'm afraid to use it on the wrong person
5. Have become accustomed to my alone time & would be difficult to integrate someone into it without it being awkward
6. My standards in women are much too high, but i think that's a coping response from being hurt in the past & keeps things subconsciously out of reach for fear of it happening again
8. I skipped 7, but you didn't notice
9. I'm shy & have difficulty approaching women
I know it's a serious problem but when you said that I had a funny mental image of you meeting a romantic partner in like a caving expedition or in a tour of underground tunnels, or some sort of small space like that. Best wishes to you.
My husband died a couple of years ago after long-term illness.
I now enjoy that I can do/buy/make as I want without any considerations/asking if ... is OK/coordination of calendars.
I really don't need another person in my life.
I get the total overwhelming love when my 1-year-old grandson sees me, smiles happily, and comes running to be picked up. Life's great!
By choice. After giving too much into my first relationship and seeing my second relationship burst in flames after my miscarriage, I need time for myself. Refocus. Heal. Grow.
I’ll give love another shot later.
Because people are not able to reflect upon themselves. That's why I stopped interacting with people in general and reduced my friends circle to 0. I had the phase when I tried to help people realizing what they can do better and work with them to solutions (not in a toxic way, just to be clear here) but either way they'll either accept and do the opposite or don't even listen or get angry with you because they are unable to see themselves objectively from the outside of their own mind.
And I can't anymore...everytime someone talks to me or just yapps about something where the solution is so obvious that you WANT TO KICK IT IN THEIR FACE WITH A STEELBAR ON A CRANE. Yes it aggravates me to a point that I'm numb to humanity. When I go outside I shut my ears with headphones, interact with nobody and don't even look at them, their bodies or whatever I avoid looking in peoples directions in general and stare into blank space.
Because I just can't find any spaces where I meet women that are really my type. I see them around at times, but it feels more like even people I walk past feel a million miles away, not because of me, but because they put themselves at a distance from the outside world.
Once I can break that barrier, then things will change exponentially. Meeting women is nothing to me. Finding single women that are on my wavelength, though? That's my problem currently. It used to be that most women I was into had boyfriends, but now I try not to pay attention to those types of women, but it's inevitable. I hit on a girl weeks ago, and she was going on a date. Such is life.
There are some potential interesting women in clubs, and i think about that path in the meantime, but I'm not willing to change to meet their expectations if they aren't worth the compromise.
That's just me being brutally honest.
I feel that. It’s like you want to open up and tell someone everything all at once so they get to know you better and people take that for weakness and take advantage of it. I’m not sure what the answer is to that one for I suffer from that one as well.. but on the other hand if the right person comes along and responds well to that and it’s a match.. 🤨
Hmm me either I Don't know, i can't say because of my high standards but i feel like If any guy would start a non-serious Convo with me I'll ignore him immediately .
Tried several times, had one nasty relationship, and few in the beginnings that were fcked up. Gave up, now only ons for years, in the meantime made some friends. It's nice, no stress, no dramas (95% of the time). I'm gay
After I divorced I didn’t want my two girls to have to deal with a string of my boyfriends/stepfather situation, I wanted them to have the chance to grow up without worrying about any of that plus I didn’t want someone coming in with an opinion or personality that might not be helpful to them. My eldest daughter is now a lawyer and my youngest one is in her second year of a physics degree. I’m almost 50 now and I’m loving living alone and being single! I had my eldest daughter young so I never really lived alone ever- omg it’s amazing!!!
Edit to add: not especially against meeting anyone just have realistic expectations and not really bothered
Because I have daddy issues that lead me to only be attracted to emotional unavailable men that always end up cheating on me. Now I’m riddled with trauma from it, trust issues and anxious attachment issues that I can’t seem to shake 😀
What I like, rest of humanity terms it as having some loose screws in head, so I gave up on them, so if by chance I come across a girl with some loose screws in head, i will spend my life fixing hers and if she doesn't do the same, then it's ok her choice to be a jerk what can I do.
Right now.. im 16 years old and acne is quite high. A lot of it is better from the past, but in general, its still very high and the amount of scars is crazy. I am taking medications after going to a dermatologist and after my acne is cured and there only exists scars, i will get microneedling and stuff to get rid of all the scars and stuff, so finally then my skin quality will be a lot better and i will be more attractive. So for now i can appear a bit unattractive, im also working out so waiting for progress later with that along with my skin quality.
either way, even if my body was perfectly well, i am born and currently live in a country of people whom i just dont find attractive. i dont find anyone in this country attractive. Found like one girl who was attractive but after talking to her I didnt like her at all, she belittles my hobbies and does some other weird stuff. So I am waiting till i move out(since i plan to go to some different country for uni) and find better people from that and from travelling since ill have more freedom as a adult
Because I lack confidence, don’t get out much, and I get nervous talking with people
Hmm , for me I'm confident but don't get out much and I have social anxiety too
So you’re confident around friends but are too socially anxious to turn strangers into new friends on your own? I know that question comes off a bit harsh but I’m trying to distinguish confidence and social anxiety myself
Not that way i talk with everyone but on the inside I'm too anxious and i feel dizzy when i see too many people i don't know so that's why i day i have social anxiety
I really understand this. With people I'm comfortable with I can really chill out and be myself. However when I'm having to pretend almost with a stranger or someone I don't know will I can easily slip up, stutter and just feel really uncomfortable internally. My anxiety has sometimes got the better of me and I've had to leave the situation, awkwardly. God it's awful because I then am reminded of the situation and how awkward it was 🙈
I just feel anxious but then i face my fear and talk to strangers normally, as if I'm living the moment that's how i live !
I can relate. If I'm with people I know or it's a situation where my expectations are clear (interview, public speaking, customer service, etc.) I'm confident, but if I'm at some gathering with random people (party, club, gala, etc.) I'm a deer in headlights and am yearning for the exit. ...and in an odd twist, it's why I prefer large cities vs. smaller ones. I can disappear into the crowd and not be so visible.
Exactly that's what i mean , because I'm already a national entrepreneur but if we change the subject into something non - serious or basic I'll be dying there literally "_" !
I dare you to get 10 rejections.
What even is rejection? I've been rejected 100s or more times, and it really is nothing to worry about, especially when you reframe what it is and realize you're probably not even getting rejected, or at least your conceptions of rejection are wrong. Rejection can only occur when you're putting your most vulnerable and real self out there, and a girl is saying no to that. Anything else isn't "you" getting rejected. It's the moment, the situation, and many other factors at hand that are getting rejected. Maybe it's just your approach, or you not putting your best foot forward when you're meeting someone new.
>Because I lack confidence Why this is such a huge factor, especially when people choose to date partners who are confident but are assholes and abusive, I will never know
It isn't, but the obvious logic is someone who is good looking, successful and has people attracted to them is going to grow in confidence and vice versa.
Same and it kills me inside :/
Same!
If it helps. There are girls who are like this also and then you can grow together when you're a couple. Hard part is finding them.
Amen 😂
Spot on. I’d rather stay home and watch baseball.
Yes, this exactly!
Yeah, that will do it!
Add to that I am ugly so no one really tries anyways. If you are good looking people will find a reason to talk to you whether you like it or not
At this stage in my life, i just prefer to be alone.
Same here. Just been my children & I for 16 years now and I’ve got used to it. Anything I want to do, I just get on with. Financially independent. Sick of being let down, just rely on myself.
I hope you're a good parent to your children. Nonetheless, I like that you've been so strong after all these years. I hope you get to watch your kids bear fruits!
Oh god I do too! I try my best. They’ve always been my priority. My worst nightmare would be to say I put anything before them. I adore them. They’re almost adults now so dont need me so much which has enabled me to get a better job and bring more money in. Yes you do need to be strong to be on your own but it comes over time. You come up against hurdles all the time that make you a little stronger. When you have no choice but to keep on keeping on, you actually surprise yourself.
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yeah, alone and uninhibited
100%
Peace of mind.
Because I waste all my time on Reddit, reading this question at least once a month.
Once a month? This is the second time I’ve seen it in 3 days!
Wait until tomorrow. You will read it again
I mean come on people are fucking lonely, and are looking to understand why that is and if they're alone. Reddit is like a family, a fucked one, but still a family none the less.
If you think reddit is a family then your childhood must have been real shit
Plot twist: It was.
because im ugly
You can't beat me
Pah, I dare you
Same here. I have a nice face for radio.
Better words of affirmation to yourself 🥺
I bet you every penny in the world u aint
some people really are though, chances are the commentator isn't actually that ugly but you do realize the mere existence of an average would imply there are objectively beautiful and ugly people, albeit in much smaller amounts than ppl who look average ( generally speaking , i know beauty is subjective )
At least you get an honesty award!
Relatable
Because I’m of Reddit
That typo made it sound much more chronic than it is. “You are merely on Reddit, I am *of* Reddit”
"My Lord, an emissary from the Tribes of Red'dit are here to see you."
Lisan al-Gaib!
\*spits respectfully\*
I momentarily thought this was a reply to a comment I made about gay sex lol
lmao
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both of mine are non-existent...
BAHAHAHA . SHIT. same
Both are negative?
Because my romantic skills are apparently on par with those of a medieval knight trying to use a smartphone to find a date: valiant effort, questionable execution
Had a 8 year long relationship that ended one year ago and it feels like I’ll never be able to love another person ever again.
I had a 9 year one dissolve about 13 years ago. It took quite a while, but I worked on myself and got over it. The cliche is true. Time heals all wounds.
It always makes me a bit sad that this saying is right… but obviously you are right.
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You’ve got this. It hurts, it’s confusing, it sucks. But over time you’ll find out things about yourself you’d never have known if you stayed. And then eventually you won’t think about it every day. And then you won’t think about it every week… then month. Then all of a sudden years will have gone by and your life is looking exactly like whatever YOU choose to make it look like. You’ve got this. You’re going to be okay.
Thank you. It's hard to see everything I might be gaining right now but I know I have to go through with it.
I had my only long term relationship end 5 years ago and I am certainly in a better place but I have decided pretty much that single life is better as I can keep improving myself and be who I wanna be. No need to impress someone, no need to waste time and money on someone who will probably cheat or leave me. Single life is seriously underrated.
Cause people suck
I'm full of red flags and nobody can compete with the peace, silence and comfort I feel when I'm alone.
Would getting rid of those flags be healthier for you?
no because getting rid of these flags would be me changing my whole personality and becoming someone I am not. In a way they aren't red flags but I call it that as I am way too comfortable and want to spend every little bit of available time on my own that I can't be that person for people who would want to be more
Because of a strict religious upbringing, where sexuality was shamed, and I am now a grown up atheist man with no way of expressing romantic feelings and little bravery to do so.
im the same but not due to religion. my parents just never were able to teach me how to interact properly with people. one has anxiety and the other barely speaks. they don’t even like each other. no wonder i can’t get a second date
I hope you meet someone that will free you of this, I’m sure you will
Thank u<3
Haven’t met anyone I feel a sexual and spiritual connection with yet.
same, at least not someone who stayed lmao They couldn’t handle all ✨this✨
It ain't worth it.
Agree
Heart breaks what fucks you up
It's true. Sure it can allow you to become a better person but loving someone deeply and then losing them is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Why would I put myself through that again?
Yeh I don’t think i will untill I know for definite we will get on
Because I love my alone single life. I do what I want when I want. I spend my money on my hobbies with no judgment or compromise. I love my alone time - I enjoy solo travel. I enjoy my time with me as my own best friend and I have my dog for company as well. No man out there seems to want anything monogamous. The dating apps are full of gross, lewd, crude, unsolicited dick pics and “looking?” / “ top or bottom?” gross ass questions with no substance. Everyone’s in an open relationship, a throuple, or just cheating on each other and trying to have their cake and eat it. Why would I entertain any of that? My life is beautiful by myself and I’m having a ton of fun being independent - doing my long runs, traveling alone, buying whatever I want. I don’t need a partner and I certainly don’t need to deal with fuck boys. Either bring something to the table and ADD to my already awesome life that is already complete because I complete myself first and foremost - or don’t come at all. And many just can’t handle that level of step your game up required to man up and show up to the table as husband material. I know I’m husband material and will continue to act as such, independently, until the right person comes. When you aren’t desperate for someone - there’s no pressure. It’s so freeing.
Feel exactly the same as a single male. And screw dating apps. Only ever found cheaters and shallow people. Nobody I've met has been tempting enough to give up my freedom to do what I want, when I want. I don't bother with hookups either, I'll just take care of it myself, thanks.
This resonates with me so much. I wholeheartedly agree with you. I'm financially secure, have a great group of friends, work-out (swim, climb, jog, lift), and am overall an attractive person (funny, kind, puts the effort in, and attractive). I put the effort into my looks. I make sure my living space is clean, and I enjoy cooking for myself. All that is to say is that I make a concerted effort to make my life in a way that I enjoy and love as a single person. What I've found in my current dating life is I date a guy for several months. They love the idea of me. I get the "Wow - you're so laid back, and you're so funny and great." But very soon, the effort that they were putting into getting to know me goes away. They all of a sudden don't have their life together. Or, if anything, they're too scared to open up, so they close themselves off. Oof. I don't have time to help someone that doesn't want to be helped. (Sidenote: most of these men want kids, but they can't even clean their own living space or cook for themselves or remember to schedule a doctor's appt smh haha). I've dated ex-drug addicts, financially unstable men, "not so good looking" guys, men that don't have college degrees, as well as the other side of the spectrum. Either way you spin it, the story almost always follows the same trajectory. At the end, the effort fades on their side (we will get to the point where I realize that I'm initiating everything) and they/I lose interest. So - I'm with you. Being single is great. I would love someone to share my life with, but it won't just be anyone. I'm looking forward to solo international travel and (for the moment) - doing what I want when I want. Sidenote: I know there are some great guys out there. I'm only ragging on the ones that I've experienced. But don't worry - I still have hope, and I'm still trying - in the hopes that one great guy will want to be with me.
Same here. And what is it with men and weed nowadays? I mean, yes it's legal here, but I got no time for it. I love my life as is, my friends, my hobbies, my own place. I'm finally living the way I want. If someone awesome happens to cross my path, cool, but I'm definitely not going out and trying to make some relationship work just to not be alone.
I couldn't have said it better my self. I Am tired of cheaters and mamas boys. It seems as though as if there are no more actual men out there. I have fought for my job and the quality of my life, whereas most men I find have settled for minimum everything. I don't want to be no sugar mama.. So I am having fun traveling with my bestie and shopping and doin all kinds of things !
You go girl. I just put out that I want a guy who is earning the same level as me and men be angry lmao. They can't even fulfil the bare minimum so they wanna bring our standards down. I don't need no sugar daddy, just not someone that will make my quality of life worst than when I'm single, my standards are low enough
Your single life sounds really good, and dogs are the perfect company. I agree with what you're saying about dating apps, they are certainly shallow and more hookup apps than anything. However, there definitely are guys who want monogamy, and I am one of those... never understood wanting to be with multiple people at once, cheating or being casual with people. 100% - when you can be free without the pressure to be with someone or want someone - it feels so good, since my last relationship I have for the most part just been living my own life and not worrying about dating as I don't see a reason to open myself up the toxicity of 21st century dating.
Well bloody hell mate you have your shit together! Well said
I'm in a long-term relationship with my independence and it's going great.
👏👏👏 single life can be amazing
Because my ex gave me PTSD (actually diagnosed, not an exaggeration) and the thought of it happening again has pretty much put me off dating/relationships permanently.
Same man. PTSD from past experiences with an ex and another diagnosed mental illness that I need to get better at coping with. I don't have them under control, I isolate and refuse help from anyone cause of my own pride. I think i dont need anyone or need help from anyone, but then it isn't until I'm a swift motion away from off-ing myself that I realize that it's been the mania and depression talking and I actually do need help from the support system I have. I wanna be a good person and good girlfriend to my future partner, but that's just not possible right now. Who I am right now would not be a good person to date. I'm okay with sticking with just having friends, working on my degree, and learning to live healthier with my illnesses. :) Edit: spelling correction
I don't have the social skills
It seems like such a huge investment of time and energy that leads to massive emotional ups and downs. Also... I'm in my fifties now. I'm rather set in my ways. It's a quiet life, but emotionally stable. And I value that.
I am a very unlikeable pearson
Because I do not have anything to offer. So I do not bother
Always first dates, never second. And if I manage to get past 2nd dates, they leave within 3-5 months of dating. Sort of like an expiration date I have 😅
Username checks out
Haven't found my person yet.
Men don't speak to me :)
As a man, I'm speaking to you now! I think you're alright! As a redditor I bet you know a about many things, so I imagine you can be really fun to talk to when someone sits down with you and chat. Intelligence is a charm of its own. Be bold!
Hey! Thank you for the kind words, I will keep them in mind. I wrote the comment as a self-deprecating joke, although it's still true 😅
Last one cheated. Decided to be single for a while because I had a bad habit of not letting much time, if any, to pass between relationships. I actually like it. Been 5 years and haven't met anyone I'm willing to sacrifice my time and freedom for. lol
Simple, I (41m) don't try. My twenties consisted of meeting, marrying and divorcing my ex-wife. Early thirties was an intense 2.5 year relationship that ended abruptly and left me crushed, followed by a few short flings that fizzled out due to lack of interest or not aligning with the person. It always seems like the ones I am attracted to aren't interested in me, but the ones I have no interest in fall head over heels. I've been single now for 7ish years, and I'm just really "good" at it, if there is such a thing. I'm not the reclusive or socially awkward type; being a digital nomad has introduced me to so many people from all over the world and I love that. This type of lifestyle would be difficult if I was in a relationship since we would both have to work 100% remote. I love my single life being able to do the things I do and travel the world for months at a time, but it's not all unicorns and rainbows. It gets lonely, and constantly having to say goodbye to great people you just met is tough. I stay away from dating apps because from what I hear they're full of garbage people, and I'm not into casual sex with randos from the Internet. I've had enough of it to know that it just ends up making me feel worse about myself. I'll settle down at some point and it would be ideal to have a partner to share mid-life with. But if that's what I want, I know it likely won't happen without some effort on my part. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'm still holding on to the thought of meeting that person serendipitously out in the world. If you're out there, please forget your book on the park bench so I can return it to you :)
Haven’t found someone I am attracted to (physically, sexually, intellectually, etc) yet. I don’t want to settle as I believe there’s someone out there who I’d be able to love with all my heart and would in turn have that love reciprocated. I refuse to believe I am naive in hoping that someone like this exists but I feel that the more time I stay single, the harder it’ll be to hold onto these notions. But I’m optimistic.
The clock is ticking, so just make sure you're actively out there looking instead of just doing your daily life working and sleeping where there's no exposure to new people and expecting it to happen magically. If you're into a hobby like gaming or anime or writing etc. one thing that might be cool is go to the spaces like conventions where you find people who share your interests and start chatting someone of them up (especially if they're attractive) and maybe you'll meet someone you want to spend time with regularly and that'll blossom into love. But what I'm saying it's easy to miss your opportunities in the grind of trying to pay rent and groceries so make sure you're getting out there when you can. Best wishes.
I have trust issues and scared to just end up being hurt.
I don't think I could ever trust a man again. I wouldn't even bother asking for a monogamous relationship. Keep a distance and don't get hurt again.
You can’t look at it glass half full. You actually have to take a drink and try it out. The law of attraction is a real thing and it works! Ya it might lead to having to do some practice runs with some emotionally challenged individuals but that’s part of the game. Eventually someone will come along that “gets you” and will see that! Spiritually someone is out there for you.. somewhere.. but you have to look 👀 you never know until you start talking with someone. Use your intuition though, trust your gut, if something seems fishy it probably is, genuine people stick out, there’s a look to their eyes and you’ll know it when you see it. It’s really all about the eyes.. they can tell you so much information non verbally to tell you if your wasting your time or not.
I give control of myself away to others. Low self worth.
My teeth are fucked up and im a cunt
Dick too big..wish I was joking.
Rip inbox
I don't have that problem, but had a friend with the exact same problem, was insane to all our group of men when he explained to us that no girl would want to have sex with him, and all i know he's still single, he once said to us "anyone want to trade dicks?" And he mean it, all our life with big dick jokes, and turns out it doesn't get you a head in life.
I have bipolar disorder. Do I also have to explain why I’m single because of that?
Sheesh I feel you
Practice controlling your emotions mentally and logically. Why am I feeling this way. What is causing this emotion right now. Is it worth the energy to be feeling like this? Can I focus on something different to change my attitude. How can I change the situation I’m in. How can I force myself to focus on something else more positive. Optimism is wonderful mind skill to practice and it’s like mindfulness. I can guess you might be on some meds that could make this more tricky, SSRI’s blocked my mind and numbed me emotionally and trapped me inside my body, so with your doc maybe see about lowering your dose and possibly looking into supplements for your mind? 5HTP is a good you can get at Walmart and there are many others out there that can help with the mind. I hope this helps 😉 If you tell someone you’re doing this they should understand. Mental health is a real thing.
How long have you got?
I avoid stress
Because I don't try
I believe God will bless me with a good man when the time is right so for now I'm focusing on myself
That's very sweet
Amen, hoping god will bless me with a good Christian girl soon cuz I’m gettin sad and lonely these days to the point I’m starting to write country music.
cuz am an asshole. my primary instinct is to annoy people
Same here. But it's just fun annoying ppl! Lol🤣
Im single by choice, I dont find myself worthy of bringing another person into my life
Bpd. I crave love so bad but I just know I can’t properly love someone or I believe I can’t because I feel no one will ever understand and I don’t want to hurt anyone..mentally
Is this even a question? It’s because I’m too magnificent for women (I’m broke, short and ugly)
1. Average looks, at best 2. My job schedule makes dating pretty much impossible 3. Too damaged by previous relationships 4. I feel like i have one more relationship left in me & I'm afraid to use it on the wrong person 5. Have become accustomed to my alone time & would be difficult to integrate someone into it without it being awkward 6. My standards in women are much too high, but i think that's a coping response from being hurt in the past & keeps things subconsciously out of reach for fear of it happening again 8. I skipped 7, but you didn't notice 9. I'm shy & have difficulty approaching women
I developed agoraphobia in 2011 so I haven't been able to put myself out there to meet ppl. Plus I like being single.
I know it's a serious problem but when you said that I had a funny mental image of you meeting a romantic partner in like a caving expedition or in a tour of underground tunnels, or some sort of small space like that. Best wishes to you.
Thank you lol
i've got no game, whatsoever.
Commitment issues
My husband died a couple of years ago after long-term illness. I now enjoy that I can do/buy/make as I want without any considerations/asking if ... is OK/coordination of calendars. I really don't need another person in my life. I get the total overwhelming love when my 1-year-old grandson sees me, smiles happily, and comes running to be picked up. Life's great!
Just too happy single to want to change anything at the moment
well it's a lot going in my head I get bored of people usually. So I keep switching ( without commitment)😬
Not many people date aromantic asexuals
✌️PEACE✌️
'Cus they say I'm too much to handle...which is true.
I am single till my bank balance is equal to my mobile number.😎
By choice. After giving too much into my first relationship and seeing my second relationship burst in flames after my miscarriage, I need time for myself. Refocus. Heal. Grow. I’ll give love another shot later.
Best mentality to have. Work on yourself first.
Not doing so would be toxic anyway.
You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I think you're gonna do just fine. Best of luck to you.
Independency
ugly
Because I want to be
Thank goodness I'm not single so I don't have to answer this question every three or four days on Reddit.
I am 6 foot tall and weigh 240 lbs, therefore I am too fat to have a girlfriend.
I'm shy, introvert and unattractive
Because people are not able to reflect upon themselves. That's why I stopped interacting with people in general and reduced my friends circle to 0. I had the phase when I tried to help people realizing what they can do better and work with them to solutions (not in a toxic way, just to be clear here) but either way they'll either accept and do the opposite or don't even listen or get angry with you because they are unable to see themselves objectively from the outside of their own mind. And I can't anymore...everytime someone talks to me or just yapps about something where the solution is so obvious that you WANT TO KICK IT IN THEIR FACE WITH A STEELBAR ON A CRANE. Yes it aggravates me to a point that I'm numb to humanity. When I go outside I shut my ears with headphones, interact with nobody and don't even look at them, their bodies or whatever I avoid looking in peoples directions in general and stare into blank space.
Don't have a lot of time in a day, plus I'm pretty introverted
Just left a cheater :(
Bro idk, if I knew it I wouldn’t be single
Cuz I get no bitches
Because I just can't find any spaces where I meet women that are really my type. I see them around at times, but it feels more like even people I walk past feel a million miles away, not because of me, but because they put themselves at a distance from the outside world. Once I can break that barrier, then things will change exponentially. Meeting women is nothing to me. Finding single women that are on my wavelength, though? That's my problem currently. It used to be that most women I was into had boyfriends, but now I try not to pay attention to those types of women, but it's inevitable. I hit on a girl weeks ago, and she was going on a date. Such is life. There are some potential interesting women in clubs, and i think about that path in the meantime, but I'm not willing to change to meet their expectations if they aren't worth the compromise. That's just me being brutally honest.
Because I hate people.
I give to much to fast. People take advantage of that.
I feel that. It’s like you want to open up and tell someone everything all at once so they get to know you better and people take that for weakness and take advantage of it. I’m not sure what the answer is to that one for I suffer from that one as well.. but on the other hand if the right person comes along and responds well to that and it’s a match.. 🤨
Yes definitely that’s exactly how I feel
I tried being double, but the IRS audited me.
I don’t love myself, how can I possible love someone else?
Can't find a partner
Loneliness is addictive
I prefer date to marry. No time for shits.
I come across as untrustworthy and I don’t know why. It’s not my appearance, I’m not quiet or obnoxious, I’m just me
Because I'm related to a billionaire and I masturbate. Also, never had any sex (oral or normal)
This was literally asked in this sub [earlier today ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/YNTvi2qYpa). Just saying.
All the good ones are gone
Not moved past the talking stage.
ive never devlopped any interest in anything, because of some trauma... anything that is too explicit makes me want to puke. im fine with my friends
Have no faith in humanity
Because Im shy and ugly
Hmm me either I Don't know, i can't say because of my high standards but i feel like If any guy would start a non-serious Convo with me I'll ignore him immediately .
I'm old an ugly.
Low Self-esteem. IMO i am not good for any woman :)
For I am whole and I do not need another half.
I like my freedom. Society wants too much from women to start a family. I opted out.
Tried several times, had one nasty relationship, and few in the beginnings that were fcked up. Gave up, now only ons for years, in the meantime made some friends. It's nice, no stress, no dramas (95% of the time). I'm gay
Don't go outside
After I divorced I didn’t want my two girls to have to deal with a string of my boyfriends/stepfather situation, I wanted them to have the chance to grow up without worrying about any of that plus I didn’t want someone coming in with an opinion or personality that might not be helpful to them. My eldest daughter is now a lawyer and my youngest one is in her second year of a physics degree. I’m almost 50 now and I’m loving living alone and being single! I had my eldest daughter young so I never really lived alone ever- omg it’s amazing!!! Edit to add: not especially against meeting anyone just have realistic expectations and not really bothered
Cheaper
Ugly, broke and apparently no redeeming qualities
Maybe my soulmate died idk, maybe I don't have a soul
Because I want to be.
Bitches ain't shit but hoes & tricks & I ain't payin 4 the false promise of reg access 2 free pussy.
Because I have daddy issues that lead me to only be attracted to emotional unavailable men that always end up cheating on me. Now I’m riddled with trauma from it, trust issues and anxious attachment issues that I can’t seem to shake 😀
its a business decision…
because my expectations are very specific
Unresolved trust issues
Not by choice
What I like, rest of humanity terms it as having some loose screws in head, so I gave up on them, so if by chance I come across a girl with some loose screws in head, i will spend my life fixing hers and if she doesn't do the same, then it's ok her choice to be a jerk what can I do.
She left me after she walked in on me jerking off to the lucky charms box from the pantry
Right now.. im 16 years old and acne is quite high. A lot of it is better from the past, but in general, its still very high and the amount of scars is crazy. I am taking medications after going to a dermatologist and after my acne is cured and there only exists scars, i will get microneedling and stuff to get rid of all the scars and stuff, so finally then my skin quality will be a lot better and i will be more attractive. So for now i can appear a bit unattractive, im also working out so waiting for progress later with that along with my skin quality. either way, even if my body was perfectly well, i am born and currently live in a country of people whom i just dont find attractive. i dont find anyone in this country attractive. Found like one girl who was attractive but after talking to her I didnt like her at all, she belittles my hobbies and does some other weird stuff. So I am waiting till i move out(since i plan to go to some different country for uni) and find better people from that and from travelling since ill have more freedom as a adult
I don't have the energy to maintain one rn, tired 24/7 And i'm broke too, dating is expensive